Darling!

And still I look up whenever I walk with a child. There are other lives there.

I’m in high school, I’m the best friend of the boy I love. I love him but I’m afraid I’ll lose if I say so. Valentine’s day is approaching, a few days left. He said let’s go out together after school. Of course I forgot the university, I said let’s get out now. We walked together in NYC and when we constantly looked at these stores, we got somewhere. He showed me a dress, he said so. I said good, it looked nice. He asked if he would like it this time… I was afraid to ask who it was. He had bought that dress.

Then we dived into the American fast food world. We ate hamburgers, ketchup-mayonnaise-french fries, this is the menu you know. He told me about his girlfriend. She was in college once upon a time her boyfriend, of course we are small. Anyway, he loved that boy very much… When I returned home that day, I realized that this boy could not be with me, I loved him like a child, but he wanted to love, not to be loved. Then I wrote something, it still stands, maybe the worst articles of my life…

This boy didn’t come to college on Valentine’s Day.

It was as if the classroom was empty. I was the only one. Being a university student was like that. I bit my eraser, cut it in half, threw it in the trash. I dropped out of college in the afternoon, walked a lot in NYC. I did not look at the windows. I looked up, there was another NYC. There was so much to discover. Then the boy broke up with his lover, even though he thought he was getting married.

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