An exciting adventure where love at first sight and escape come together. You and your potential lovers are the protagonists of the story. We are watching this movie directed by your emotions from beginning to end. No running away this time!
Is love story still possible without wilting the rose and darkening the silver? Is it still possible to love without worrying about time, without fear, without shame? The loveless of the modern age are still looking for the answer to this question today. When we look at the pages of history, we encounter the story of Elizabeth I, the Queen of England in the 15th century, and the escape from love story. Her father, VIII, was in love with someone else. It turns out that the experiences of his mother, Anne Boleyn, who was executed by Henry, may have caused a trauma in the queen. The Queen is regarded as the most famous and oldest figure of those who fear love, by not marrying for the rest of her life and wearing a necklace with a picture of her mother around her neck. Of course, he is regarded as the most famous and oldest figure of those who fear love like Elizabeth I. Of course, there is a concept that will express the feelings of those who fear love (or should we say escaped?) like Elizabeth I: Philolobia. As those who do not like to feel the flowers blooming in the spring and the butterflies flying around in their stomachs, we are too crowded to be underestimated. In the ‘easiest’ era in our history, we can easily satisfy most of our wants and desires. We can reach the other end of the world with a click of a button, and we shop from long distances with one click. It’s not enough, we can meet someone new or even match with a single touch. Having such opportunities, we inevitably have some fears. Among these phobias, we draw a lot of attention as those who are afraid of love and falling in love. If you start to feel anxious at the moment of meeting a potential romantic partner or the moment you feel the possibility of a romantic relationship on your neck… Yes, you may suffer from philophobia.
First Contact Escape Request
Although love has a miraculous and surprising effect, some of us have built thick walls against this feeling. Philolobia, which can occur as a result of great disappointments in the past, rejection or pressure applied to emotions from an early age, can also occur due to insecurity. The anxiety you feel at the first contact with the potential romantic partner is one of the most obvious indicators of this. The possibility of a romantic relationship may lead to a desire to escape, or if you do not want to be in environments where there are many lovers, we can look for the problem in our feelings. The reason is purely emotional!
People with philophobia can isolate themselves from society and their social environment just to avoid this feeling of anxiety. But this isolation can bring a solution. However, although this isolation does not bring a solution, it can turn into a vicious circle and become inextricable. The job of love fugitives living in big cities and busy work schedule is a little more difficult. Because this escape becomes regular from a point. The job of love fugitives living in big cities and busy work schedule is a little more difficult. Because this escape becomes regular from a point on and makes confrontation impossible and distances it from the solution. He also thinks that it is more correct to consider it under the heading of ‘anxiety disorders’ since it is a phobia. Thus, we underline that phyllophobia is not a harvest. So, can we understand that we have an anxiety disorder? exp. Clinical Psychologist ”The common symptoms seen in many anxiety disorders are seen in three ways. Physiological symptoms; flushing, sweating, chills, shortness of breath, stomach problems and nausea. Cognitive symptoms, on the other hand, may include staying away from social environments, not sharing feelings and thoughts, being alone, crying, and using addictive substances. Depending on all these, anger, intolerance, and depressive emotion may develop secondary.
Familiar Stories, familiar feelings
People who distance themselves from romance and relationships are not enough just to run away. He supports this escape on the pretext that being alone is much better. A woman in her early 30s, who describes herself as a true love affair, expresses her feelings as follows: “It’s very difficult for me to get to know someone, tell them about your life, and open up. I have neither the condition nor the hope for it. “A man in his mid-30s on the other side of the table argues that driving a bug alone is much simpler and safer. The love runaway, who has great distrust of her possible romantic partners, focuses on her career by keeping herself away from relationships in order to avoid disappointment again. As such, we realize that we are very familiar with the feelings we listen to again with two familiar stories.
Desolate men and desolate women
According to Specialist Clinical Psychologists, past experiences play a role in this fear. Many experiences such as emotional, physical, sexual abuse and neglect, insecure attachment, the end of the last relationship (such as cheating or loss) can prepare the ground for this fear. In short, we are afraid of falling in love and of love because we are afraid of being disappointed and hurt. Another reason is that there is a perception of harm and danger for people who are worried about losing control. -The desolate man liked this!-
We can ask ourselves various questions in order to overcome the philophobia, that is, the feeling of running away from love and being afraid. exp. Psychologist Clinic lists the questions we should ask ourselves in the first place: What does a relationship and a ‘good relationship’ mean to me? What do I think will happen if my relationship doesn’t go the way I want? What is my worst case scenario? How does this anxiety affect my life? Are there things that I do to avoid this anxiety, but that actually hurt me in a way? After asking these questions, it seems possible to overcome our fear of love with social and professional support.
Now we are asking the question we asked at the beginning again: Is love still possible? Of course, it is possible as long as we can repair the traces of past experiences in our souls. Also, as long as we feel the love in this regard, of course it is possible. In addition, we have a higher chance in the spring months when we will feel the love in this regard. It’s hard not to agree with the lines “This beautiful weather has ruined me!” Before you run away from your potential partner who is about to tear down the walls we’ve built, it would be nice to calmly watch your own feelings. You see, on a sunny morning when the birds are whispering, these words come out of your mouth: “I love you!” (Our feelings are really mutual!)
The non-lovers guide
Lighten up this spring by putting aside bad experiences from the past. Make room for new loves, leave a load for new roads.
The moment you’ve been waiting for so long may have arrived. Maybe when you lift your head, you will meet the love of your life. Be open to surprises and opportunities.
- What does relationship and ‘going relationship’ mean to me?
- What do I think will happen if my relationship doesn’t go the way I want?
- What is my worst case scenario?
- Are there things that I have done in order not to overcome this anxiety that I have overcome, but that actually hurt me in a way?
Consider professional support. You can get psychotherapy support according to the answers to the questions. Of course, social support is indispensable.